True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I understand Curling. That high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
