i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
