She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
