Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Come on in and take your pants off
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