Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
