His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
