This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
