Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
