Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
