i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
