HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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