why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
