Everything about him screamed your future.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
