I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
