Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
