i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
