he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
