I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we're making bets on your personal life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
