P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize