you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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