I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
