Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
tell your sister to shave her snatch
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
