I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
