i jhust puked up my retainher.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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