A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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