She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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