I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
