I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
