Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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