Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
