After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
