her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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