I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
