I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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