I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
