if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
