Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
