I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
