Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
