I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
