Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My bed smells like the plague
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
