It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
