when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
