The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
