if you like me you must not know who I am
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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