when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to sanitize my soul.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
