I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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