You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
