it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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