Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
