i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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