This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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