Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
