Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
