My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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