Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pants are for mortals
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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