I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
