Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
