OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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